The quick but beautiful moment that made my born day
The small but deep kiss
How easily my hands found your skin like two things that belong together.
I listened to your voice and looked into your eyes and found myself just WISHING
That the timing was about to be right for us.
But it's been almost sixty days. Nearly 30 since I heard from you last.
For those first few weeks every dream I had of you
Was vivid and alive
Breathtakingly hopeful.
My body readied in anticipation
Of the nation we would build together.
I let the love soften me.
I let it fill me.
I let it claim me.
And you disappeared.
It would be right if I got angry
If I said "fuck this bullshit" and moved on
If I stopped waiting and wishing.
But
Dammit. Dammit.
My heart will not hear my mind
My heart will not hear logic or reason
My heart will not let go of this.
in any other circumstance I might applaud the tenacity.
But right now
Knowing that knowing you knocked my world right off its axis
Never to be the same again,
I realise, as maybe you do not, that you are an impossible act to follow.
No one has even come close.
No one will ever come close.
Not when it is your smile and your hands and your mouth that I look for in the day
And in the dark.
And not when I remember that I once thought I was happy - and then I met YOU and realised that my former state was a poor example of what happy could be...
Maybe I'm crazy.
Or maybe
Maybe I just know.
Xoxo,
L.
