It was rough. I know that, while the school was still a hectic place, I was serving as an anchor, and a mentor to my colleagues who were new to the profession... I felt like a heel. A sorry person for putting myself and my health before my students...
Which, in hindsight, I can see is totally crazy.
We live in a world where people consistently look out for themselves. If you are not serving them or proving valuable in some way, shape, or form - they will immediately help you find your way out of their lives...
And it's sad. And it's hurtful. And you should be ashamed of yourselves for allowing this to become the status quo of the society in which we live. When did people - PEOPLE - become single-use and disposable commodities?
When did we stop giving a shit about our fellow man?
And why do I sometimes feel like, because I listen to my conscience, my instincts, and, barring those, genuinely act in the best interests of others, I get hit by a damn bus of megalomaniacal personages bent on mowing as many people down as possible just because there's no one there to stop them?
I used to fight - a lot. For others mainly, very rarely for myself.
Now I find that I'm upset because the same thing I always hope won't happen, has happened.
Screwed over. By people I cared about, helped, showed love to. By people I put myself out for - financially, physically, emotionally.
And, in the end, who gets the shaft besides me? My students. Who will now not only be lacking a teacher, but also an advocate.
In a world like the one they've been born into, an advocate is priceless.
I'm glad I got that out so that I can rest. I've allowed myself to be literally worried sick, but now I'm going to rest. And let go. Because, once again, this lesson has absolutely been learned.
Fool me twice...
-L.
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