Sleepless in Summer

I was sitting on your red sofa with you

Leggings on the floor

Feet folded beneath me

Laughing

As you recounted the greatest summer of your life

A special summer

Where rated R movies

And boobies 

(Lots of boobies)

And bike rides

All the delights of your

Bestest summer ever

And I laughed

Because I pictured you

Seeing breasts for the first 

(Or second?)

Time and how big your eyes 

Must have been

Boob man.

And I laughed

Long enough for a tear to run

Down my face

And you weren't looking in my face

Lost in your memories

While I remembered my worst summer

Ever

It wasn't the one where

I nursed my cheating husband

Back to his lover's arms

Or the one I spent alone

When he left

And I had to crawl up stairs

In excruciating pain

Or the summer I was almost

Raped in my new apartment

Or the one where I raised

A hand to my mother

Or the one when I realized

That

Again...the man I was trying to love

Was trying to love another.

My worst summer just ended.

It was the summer of sleeplessness

And pain

Rage and rain and panic

Hunger and fear

Of thoughts of suicide

And pondering the value

Of my life.

It was the summer I learned

That words of love really 

Only go so far...

And I came to the conclusion that

That?

Was going to be my last

Worst

Summer.