I got it into my mind this week that, when I think about my life, I end up thinking about negatives, bad things that have happened, experiences that I wish I could take back... But then I started thinking, why am I torturing myself? My life hasn't been that damn bad, and it could have been a whole lot worse. So, I felt the need to remind myself of the good memories, because when you are contemplating your life, those are the things you should reminisce on anyway.
I'm going to use initials for privacy reasons, but if you know who I'm talking about, the initials won't fool anybody :).
I remember in fourth grade, I had a mini-crush on my next-door neighbor. I didn't think he was cute, I just noticed that he was nicer to me than he was to anyone else. We'd hung out daily for years, even before I started kindergarten, and I think he liked the fact that I would punch him in the gut if he tried to pull any sexist shit with me (yes, even at 7, I knew my rights). Somewhere around fourth grade, after we'd had a confrontation where he pointedly reminded me that I was a girl, and that if I swung a bat too hard, I would pop one of my boobs (yeah, you read that right), and I'd swung that bat at his head and hopped the fence back home, our relationship changed. It was like we couldn't look at each other anymore, his face always red, my cheeks always burning... it didn't make sense at the time. Somehow, we ended up "talking" to each other, rushing outside to stand awkwardly in the grass, sitting close on the pavement, leaning over the fence. And then, one day, he told me he'd left something for me in the tree in my front yard. So I climbed it...and found one of those fake diamond paper weight things. It had to have been a decoration or something, but I couldn't get past the fact that he'd given me a "diamond".... It's a sweet memory for me, especially as nothing ever came of the "relationship". But he was the first boy I ever looked at with "potential", and I will never forget T.T.
In middle school, a friend of mine and I shared a boyfriend for about a week. He was like a junior version of Overton from that show "Living Single" - he was even bald! But he was adorable, easy going, and wonderful to talk to, so because he didn't want to choose between us, we all decided to be in a relationship. It was weird - I'm smiling as I'm writing this because, in mature terms, this has all the makings of a Penthouse Letter - but in truth, it was all very innocent. And I know it made P.T.'s year to be able to walk down the hall with, not one, but two smiling girls on his arm - at least for a week...
The night of my high school prom could have been a disaster - it had all the makings of one. If not for E.S., one of the loveliest people I know, it would have been. I went to her house literally at the eleventh hour, with a broken dress, falling hair, no idea how to put on makeup, and tears rolling down my eyes from a fight with my mother. I was 17, pregnant, and desperately afraid that the whole night would be lost. But she wouldn't let me sink the night. She plucked my eyebrows, had her mom fix my dress, stuffed me into a corset, re-did my hair, gave me a makeover, and just showered me with so much love that by the time my date arrived, I literally felt like Cinderella...and that night was absolutely magical...
For my 26th birthday I decided that I wanted to actually DO something, as opposed to a half-hearted birthday drink, store-bought cake, and maybe a movie of my choice. So I took a dry-erase marker and wrote down 26 things I wanted to do on my birthday. My goal was to try my best to get them all done, but my partner in crime D.R. jumped on the bandwagon ready to go. With his help, not only did we get all of them accomplished, but we ended up having a wonderful time in the process. From the spa to the mall to the movies to a nature hike, it was the best birthday I ever had.
Writing these things out serves two purposes. One, it makes me remember that my life has had sparkle, so it makes sense that it will continue to do so and, two, it will serve as a concrete reminder for me on those dark days I have. It will make me laugh and reminisce and remember even more moments...
And maybe it will inspire you to create your own memory book :).
Shanti Bengali!
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