Who am I to say...

It's a different thing to have your heart-broken by someone whose heart seems to be breaking along with you. There is fear - but then there was fear before, wasn't there? I remember looking over at you and thinking "okay Universe...wtf. Seriously wtf." It was like, by taking that leap with you, somehow, thru love, all my negativity got unblocked...along with all my bad luck...and finally all my bad dreams just poof disappeared.

That probably scared me more than anything. I felt this new me just burst forth out of my chest and I - wet, struggling for breath, suddenly thrust into this new-born, too bright world, could only stare about in bewilderment and cry...and cry...with fists balled up.

You will probably haunt me for the rest of my days.

I already see you in dreams, in crowds, in my everywhere.

And wow. Wow. Even today, even knowing the whys and wherefores, it may sound crazy but I am so damn GRATEFUL to have met you and have known you and have loved you - and still love you - even for the little time we had. Because that means that my constant heart can, occasionally, come out from its self-imposed exile. That I do remember how to love and I don't need anyone to teach me.

Falling for you was the most natural thing in the world. I loved you like breathing. I love you like breath.

I won't spend time defending my feelings to well-meaning people who refuse to understand.

I understand.

Your fear. Your need to protect - because I feel the same.

Which is why, when you asked me to, I opened my hands and let you go. I won't pretend there isn't hope in my heart for your return.

I just will not allow my love, the burden of it, to become just that. Something weighty, something too much for fragile shoulders and wounded souls...why would I do such a thing?

Compass. Not anchor. And lighthouse and safe harbor.

For you.

Always.

Rumi said it best. I will tattoo it on my heart and never forget:

The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.

Lovers don't finally meet somewhere,
they're in each other all along.

Be blessed, and remember.

-Asha


(song by Hope)