Cupid and Psyche

I've been a lover of Greek myth ever since the fourth grade, when I stumbled upon a tattered collection of the non-PG variety. There was love, lust, heroism, intrigue, murder...magic. For my young writer's heart, this was the way to build legend - by using the old as a guide for the new.

I never thought to have correlation between those same stories and my own life. 

I'm in love. Have been for months now. I didn't expect it to happen, certainly did not plan on it given my track record, but I can't deny that I wished love for myself. To have someone look at me as if I were maybe magic. To speak of long-term, life goals with me. To make me feel like I was invincible.

He even called me "goddess" a few times.

I allowed myself to fully experience that love in every second we spent together. And it was full-bodied and beautiful and felt blessed. When I sit and think about that, I still feel blessed...

Probably because I am in love.

Given that, I have to say that the biggest obstacle to that fully involved feeling is the lack of time and communication. This is not on my part. I think my reaching out teeters on the edge of stalkerdom. I wish that was an overstatement. But there is a part of me that is so desperate to not be forgotten, worried that the distance is a test that I cannot fail at, that somehow, by staying true and available, I will prove myself worthy...

It's the Cupid and Psyche connundrum. Even happy, blissfully in love, Psyche allowed outsiders to influence her, to test her faith... Though, in actuality, those outsiders did have a point. Why should she not be able to gaze upon her husband, to love him in the light? 

Cupid was a bit selfish in that. Which is why, in the end, I'm glad he came to his senses, and realized that all the tests, all the trials, could have been avoided with some good old-fashioned communication. 

So here I am. Desperately trying to communicate with the man I love so very much that my heart physically aches when I haven't seen or heard from him. I've tried to put my disappointment and doubt to the side, because, in my eyes, for him? I don't keep score of that. 

I just want him. I want to know that he wants me. I want to feel like we are together. I want to know that when we aren't, he wishes we were - that he misses me too. 

I want him to take a chance with me, to know that I would never hurt his heart - not for anything.

At this point, I can only wish...and write. And hope, that one day soon, he'll read this.

Be blessed - and believe that love exists for all of us. 

Even when and where we least expect it.

Xoxo,

L.