Thunder... and Lightning

Ever wake up just knowing you are about to get into some trouble? The kind that you can't post on your Facebook because your mom might read about it, the kind you tell your best friend about immediately so she is forewarned and fore-armed?

I should have known when I woke up and it was dark outside. It wasn't late and it wasn't early - it was worse. A thunderstorm. Full-bodied clouds just waiting to burst, distant earthy rumbling, random golden flashes...

Thunderstorms got me into a whole lotta trouble in high school. I don't know if it was the promise of rain (warm, wet, all-consuming), the fact that I didn't give a damn if my clothes were brand new, if I'd just bought those shoes, if I'd just gotten my hair done... I would walk out of the building at 2:30, and if it was gray skies, my boyfriend got the "look"... and man his face would light up like Christmas morning (Hot Damn!).

I'm sorry if you know me in real life - because this is a side of myself I keep secret. Who among us is so eager to let the world know that, hey! that honor student over there? She goes nuts when there's a hurricane warning (wink, wink).

I remember a time at the library (and for that boy so long ago, most of our stories start like this), it was raining a hot rain and we were making out outside of the judicial center. There was literally steam rising off of our clothes, and the rain felt like someone was pouring hot water over us. That boy told me it was the sexiest thing in his life, the look I gave him, soaking wet, water running down my face, and not giving a damn about what time it was, or who could see, or whether we should or not (we were outside!)....

Ah, memories. :)

I haven't felt that way in a long time, where every rumble of thunder seemed to roll out from my chest, where I felt that there was lightning in my fingertips, shooting from my eyes, crackling from my lips. It's a huntress kind of feeling - you know what you are, what you want, and heaven help anyone who tries to get in your way.

Yesterday I felt that - all of that - in my car driving, listening to D'Angelo sing about "whenever it rains, I feel this way" and trying to hold onto myself, trying not to let the trouble free...

Because I am what you could call a 'good girl'. Always been that way - except for when it rains. When it rains, I'm bad....

...and so much better.