All day long I've been waiting...and waiting...and waiting...
Because when you put yourself out there, damn near naked, vulnerable and shit, you have to understand that, sometimes wires get crossed, sometimes the "signs" you are sure were there, were really just figments of an over-active imagination fed too many romance novels....
Sometimes you just want so much to be loved, to hear the love, feel the love, that you try and force the love... and you can't force love, anymore than you can snap your fingers to change the weather. :)
Not that I'm doubting what I feel mind you. Just trying to rein in the control freak in me, my ginormous ego that tells me I am the captain of my ship, and that it is through my own will that I can realize my dreams...
I had to remind myself not to be an anchor...to be the compass instead. Love is completely capable of driving itself, I don't need to play passenger-seat driver...
Plus, the waiting game isn't so bad. Okay, that's bullshit - I hate waiting with a passion. There's a part of me that thinks that if there is a line to get into heaven, I just might go the hell route - I hear there's no waiting :).
I have some wonderful girlfriends who sometimes need to remind me to not try to control my path... cause its leading me right where I need to go, and I will get there, wherever, whatever "there" is, exactly when I'm meant to.
So...maybe I was wrong to push. Maybe it was not the time or the place. I have no idea because, as of yet, no discussion has occurred. But if I was, wrong in any way, shape, or form, I can cop to that. No beating around the bush.
My bad. I'm woman enough to apologize...
(But I'm not gonna take it back :) ).
Always,
Asha
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